If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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