I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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