anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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