i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
