Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
