Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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