I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
