No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
