i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
