Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
