I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
