The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
