I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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