I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
