Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
