I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
