She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
