Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
