She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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