Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
