I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
