my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
