I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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