Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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