I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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