Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
