If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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