all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
