her vagine was all disorganized.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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