it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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