I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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