I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
