Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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