Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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