That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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