The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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