I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
They have beer where we have blood.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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