Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
