He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
