Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
