so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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