I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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