i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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