Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
