i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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