I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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