My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
