He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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