She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Houston, we have a squirter
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
