come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
