I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize