I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
