We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
