sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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