I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
