so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
