i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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