I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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