3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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