he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The ass gains better be worth it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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