my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
