Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
